the big “V” (updated)

update: i simply fixed some typos


vasectomythe big “V”::

yep, that’s V as in vasectomy. it’s taken a lot of “inner wrestling” for me to get to this decision but i’ll be getting the “snip snip” this summer.

i’ve already had my initial visit with my doctor. although because of the way the insurance i have through the school is set up it was only to get a referral to a urology specialist. well the place i got referred to set me up a “consultation” visit for July 24th. we were hoping to get it done sooner, like this weekend or next. it’s funny deb’s never been more on edge thinking she may get pregnant right after delivery than this time. she really doesn’t want to get pregnant again.

I asked in my first visit if it was possible to have the consultation and the procedure done on the same day, they said they would ask. so the letter I got from the urologist’s office simply says it’s a consultation visit. I’ll have to call them to see if indeed this is the case. so some time this summer it’ll get done.

whether you’re wondering or not I’ll let you in a little on what that “inner struggle” was all about.

first, let me say that both deb and I believe that children are a gift from God. I also believe that there are way too many families that stop having kids because of selfish reasons (or worse b/c they don’t feel kids are a blessing but rather a curse), or lack of faith for God to provide, or just because they didn’t know that it’s ok have a large family in today’s culture.

secondly, NO I haven’t been trying for a boy. that’s not the reason we have so many kids already b/c we haven’t had a boy yet. although it would have been nice to have a son to raise and carry on the Lara name, I don’t regret for one moment having any of my daughters. I couldn’t imagine life without any one of them.

so having mentioned those two things let me also say that I don’t believe that in order to truly believe that kids are a gift from God means that a family should keep having kids forever or until the wife goes through menopause. for some families that is the case, for most families I would say it simply means have more kids than what your “man made plans” says you should. trust God, his plans are different than ours.

and yes, perhaps a small part of me would still like a son. but I’d’s not only about what I want. (in terms of my decision to get a vasectomy or not, this aspect was probably a factor for only about 10% of it.)

so ultimately the reason I chose to go through with it is out of love for my wife.

although she also believes that kids are a gift, she also felt that she/we had reached our threshold as parents in terms of adequately raising our kids. not about the financial side of things, we know God would provide no matter what. but more in terms of being able to give each of our kids the individual attention they need and deserve.

on top of that it’s just plain tough to try to raise 6 young kids! i saw my wife have some very difficult days. I saw both of us just completely frazzled and spent at the end of too many days. I saw our older girls longing for more attention that we would want to give them but in the moment needed to attend to the needs of a younger child.

we actually thought about having some form of contraception after our fourth daughter. deb even went to the doctor to get a prescription for something. life got busy and she was a few days late in going to pick it up. and then it just sat in a drawer in our bathroom for about a week. that’s when we found out we were pregnant with the twins.

so if having a boy was only 10% of the decision, what was the other 90%?

well, some of it had to do with my misconceptions about it (thank you very much google and wikipedia in that regard).

part of it was the fact that it mainly deb’s desire to stop having kids, so why shouldn’t she be the one to get her “tubes tied”? (just being honest here)

plus, “what if”, God forbid, she were to die young and I were to later remarry, why should I not be able to have more kids in that marriage? (being honest again) you’ve gotta remember that although it was different circumstances, I am the child of a second marriage. and my dad already had 5 kids(!) when he had me and my sisters.

and then another minor issue was the cost. now I know that the guy’s procedure is less expensive than the woman’s. but deb has been covered by the state’s medical coverage while pregnant and would cover the procedure for her entirely. a quick phone call to my insurance let me know that they covered the procedure for the guy in full except for the $15 copay. a small price to pay since the woman ends up needing more recovery time than the guy anyways.

but in the end it was my love for my wife that convinced me. if i loved deb fully then i shouldn’t be thinking about the “what if” scenario at all. if i truly loved her then even if she did die i shouldn’t be thinking about starting another family, i’d still have my current 6 kids to take care of and those relationships should supersede any relationship i would develop later for another woman. if i truly loved my wife, then out of respect for her i should put aside any small desire i might have for a son and realize that she’s at her limit in terms of child rearing. if i truly loved her then i should face my fears like a man about having “minor surgery” (guys, as you know, any surgery so close to your manliness, can’t be deemed as minor). and if i truly loved my wife, no matter what the cost, i should try to spare my wife from going through a surgery that’s more involved and more recovery time than what i would have to go through.

and so yes, i’m having the big “V” done some time this summer out of love for my wife.

i love you deb.


// today i’m thankful for:

1. sunsets

2. changing weather

3. all my girls

4. when people leave COMMENTS! 🙂

5. late night snacks

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