i was confronted with something today that i can’t imagine my regular readers have ever had to deal with. i never even imagined myself writing on the topic.
i sat down to write a new entry today and decided to first go online and see if there might already be blogs on princess living. i innocently went to a site that revealed a little bit more about a certain princess than i wanted to see. what shocked me though was, even as a female, i had a hard time looking away. i thought this was just a guy issue. but here i was- a pastor’s wife- struggling with uninvited sexual feelings with inapproriate pictures. well i did close the site, but continued to feel like i wanted to go back.
there have been other times, as well, where unexpected images have popped up on my screen. i have not had a problem telling my husband the nature of what i had seen and my related feelings. after all, it was not my fault. i did not pursue those experiences.
now, here i was today, fighting the urge to see more things. i know porn is wrong, but wasn’t quite sure why it would be a problem for women… for me. i tried to justify it- research of our culture, etc. i decided that i did not have a problem now, but it could turn into one. i visited xxxchurch.com and found an article at trueu.org that dealt with women and porn. both helped alot. what i gleaned was that “to use porn is to wallow in sin” (which i don’t want to do) and when you use porn you are objectifying another person – created in the image of God (which i certainly do not want to do). so i decided to walk away from the computer- and went to make my bed. i thanked the Lord for helping me through this test. it sure wasn’t fun. and i thought, maybe just maybe, what i went through today will help someone else.
like i said, i never thought i’d be writing about this topic. i think of myself as very pure and unaffected by many of the world’s influences. but i saw today that i’m just as vulnerable as anyone else.
Psalm 101:3 says “i will refuse to look at anything vile and vulgar.” i think that is the secret: stay away from the things that will cause you to want to hide from the light of the King.
Ephesians 5:11 says “have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”
i don’t intend to visit any more ungodly sites. 1John 1:7 says “if we walk in the light as He is in the light we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus, His son purifies us from all sin.” that is what i want- fellowship with others and purification from all sin.
so there you have it- a princess leads a godly life that others can follow. there cannot be anything that she is afraid of exposing.
if you have a ‘dark’ secret, find someone you trust to confess it to (God works), then repent and begin walking in the light- today.